Birthdays Make Me A Bitch

Why is it that when it comes time for my birthday I turn into the biggest bitch on the planet?  It’s not because I’m getting older.  In fact, I’m fine with that.  It’s the whole “What do you want?” and “What do you want to do?” questions that kill me.  There is NEVER a right answer. 

“Nothing” as an answer doesn’t seem to work.  You seem like a martyr.

Being specific makes you seem like a bitch who wants the whole day to center around you like hold the entire universe’s gravitational pull in the palm of your hand.

Hints only get you what you really don’t want or want to do in the first place.

Birthdays suck and I always seem like the bitch!

Within 34 days I celebrate Christmas, my wedding anniversary, and then my birthday.  I love Christmas because I love getting people gifts they really like and then watching them open them.  The hunt of the great gift is so much fun and the happiness on their faces bring me complete satisfaction.  I’ve learned over the past 14 years that my husband is not the greatest gift giver.  He always waits until last minute and then he usually has to ask me what I want about 25 times.  I try to make a habit of pointing out things I like in sale ads and such, trying to make it easy on him by giving him choices.  I could only make it easier by writing it in the sky but I’m not sure that would help either.  I do like to be pleasantly surprised.  Sometimes that happens.

I kept saying…ever since before Thanksgiving…that I wanted this mending glue they kept advertising on TV.  Mighty Mend.  I would go on about how I could fix so many things:  sofa pillows, stuffed animals, torn hems…  The possibilities would be endless.  Christmas came and no Mighty Mend!  But, guess what I got for our 12th wedding anniversary?  (Actually the day after our 12th anniversary because he didn’t realize that our anniversary was on Sunday and left it at work.)  Mighty Mend!  Yes, I wanted it but not for our anniversary.  Nothing says “I love you” like fabric glue.

See!  The bitch in me even shows up on my anniversary!  I should be thankful he ordered it and got it but…  You got it!   I’m a bitch!

Now my birthday is tomorrow.   I said what kind of cake I wanted and had to write down the phone number and give it to him or he wouldn’t have ordered it.  BITCH!  He asked me what I wanted.  I’m tired of giving hints.  Finally I just said I wanted him to take the kids out and let them pick whatever they wanted to get me within a small reasonable spending amount.  That should bring a pleasant surprise.  At least purple nightgowns and stuffed animals are cute when picked out by a 7 and 10 year old.

I am formulating my answer for next year already.  If I’m going to be a bitch no matter what I do, then at least I’m going to do what I want.

I want to sleep until noon.  I don’t want to hear the alarm clock or remind you ten times that you need to get up.  I will not be going to work!  I don’t want to let the dog out or get the kids ready for school.  When I get up at noon I’m going to start drinking.  I’m going to to be in my sweatpants with holes in the seams, a tank top and no bra. There will be no makeup and my hair will be pulled back with a scrunchie.  At 1:00 I’m going to eat a tube of chocolate chip cookie dough and watch a chick flic that makes me cry.   Then I’ll go on the computer and play Pop It for an hour.  At 5:00 I’ll get into a long hot shower with the radio blaring.  I will put back on my sweats and maybe a t-shirt.  When I get out I want dinner served and the kitchen cleaned up from dinner.  I want a hot fudge brownie sundae for my birthday cake.  I will not do homework, dishes or laundry!  I’ll continue to drink and then watch the 6 episodes of heroes on the DVR that I need to catch up on but I don’t because you don’t like the show.  I will go to bed at 11 by mysel so I can get to sleep without any snoring in my ear(once I’m asleep you can come to bed).

Happy Birthday to the BITCH!

Excuse me…can you please try to wipe those tread marks off my back?

I’m not sure if it was a bus or Mack truck that just ran over me but I definitely got thrown under some huge moving vehicle. The tread marks are all over my back and I think I was kicked a few times while I was down. I could really use a little help getting them off of me.

Have you ever been totally blind-sighted by something? I mean I really did not expect what came at me tonight. Let’s just say that I know someone personally and professionally that made some poor choices that affected me dramatically. The choices were made completely by this person and I should not, by any means, be blamed for them or the outcome of them. Tonight I was blamed for all of it. I was accused of things that never happened. I was run over, beaten, and left for dead on the side of the road (emotionally and personally speaking). I couldn’t even properly defend myself because that would have jeopardized my professional integrity.

What a crock of CRAP!!!!! I’m so pissed right now. And the worse problem is that the person who set me up will inevitably call me acting as if everything is fine. It’s not. The final nail in the coffin has been pounded in flush. The damage has been done. Now, I just need to figure out how to deal with it.

Sorry to be so vauge but I needed to vent.

He Knows He Can Survive Without Me

Boy am I feeling pretty puny right now.  My oldest, my son, is away on a three day two night trip.  He went to Sea Camp on a school trip.  It’s an awesome opportunity.  We had to scrimp and save for a few weeks but we knew this would be a great experience for him.  One that I knew would make him learn and grow.  Little did I know how much I would learn and grow from this experience.

You see, there’s no electronics allowed on the trip.  No Nintendo DS, no MP3 players and definitely no cell phones.  The chaperons assured us that if they wanted to call that they would allow them to use their cell phones to call home.  They also assured us that they wouldn’t call.  They would be too busy, too tired, and having such a good time that they just wouldn’t.  I on the other hand knew he would call me.  I thought, “He’s my first born.  He’s a Momma’s boy.  He’s going to have an uncontrollable urge to call me and I will get a call.”  “If anything,” I said to myself with confidence, “he will call me just to share all of the cool stuff that is going on.”

Sigh.  This is night two and he hasn’t called.  I watched my phone ready to pounce on it all day.  I even made calls to and from the cell phone and house phone to make sure both were working.  Nothing.  He’s ten and he’s realized that he can survive without talking to his mom.  I knew this day would come.  In fact, I wanted it to come, just not yet.  Somewhere between his first year and high school and his first year in college is when I wanted it to come…not in 5th grade!  It’s just too early for him to know that he doesn’t need me.

When it comes down to it I guess I’ve learned a lot this weekend too:  My son is growing up whether I like it or not.  I should cherish the times that I still have with him where he is still a kid…the times when he thinks his mom is the smartest person in the world…the times when he thinks his mom is cool…the times that he just wants to hang out with his mom.  I know those days and moments are numbered. 

It makes me sad and proud at the same time.  He’s growing up.  He’s becoming confident in himself and comfortable in being without his family.  I now know that he has a chance to be everything I hoped he would be.  It’s just all too soon and very hard to swallow.  Momma’s little boy is becoming his own little man.

I can still see the light…The Dark Side isn’t dark…YET

I decided to take stock in the old truism If you’re going to do something, you might as well do it right.  Yep, I dove right in head first into the Little League Board.  You can call me Madam Vice President now.  I’m the lesser of two of them but that is more than OK with me.  So far, the Dark Side isn’t so dark.  I’ve been trying to get things organized and it seems to be going well.  We are working together as a team and getting a lot of things accomplished.  Shocked?  Yes I am!  Are you?

We had our Fall Ball Opening Day recently and it was so smooth.  Everyone came together and it was fantastic!  I’m waiting for the light to go dim.  I’m waiting for the pettiness and gossiping to start.  I wish I could give you more but all I can say is things are good so far.  It is a lot of work and a big commitment but so are your kids.

I’ll try to update again soon.  In the mean time check out the pictue of “my boys” on the right.  Pretty cool photo huh?

I’ve Become One Of Them – My First Step Towards The Dark Side

Wow!  I think that I may have just suffered a temporary bought with insanity.  You hear about them all the time in court cases.  I usually think it’s a bunch of bunk but now that I think it’s happened to me…

Tonight was our children’s Little League Annual Meeting.  My husband coaches and I help out with odds and ends stuff with the league when my job allows.  We felt like we needed to go.  At some point during the meeting my insanity took over my body.  When I awoke from my stupor I found out I was now on the Board of Directors.  WHAT??!!!  How in the world did I ever let that happen?  I vowed I wouldn’t when our son started playing 3 years ago.  I promised that I wouldn’t let myself get sucked in.  I wouldn’t let Little League Baseball get the best of me.  But somehow I let it happen.

My Dad was President of my high school athletic club and that drove me nuts!  While I appreciated his involvement there was a lot of “stuff” that went along with it.  I was President of my children’s PTO for two years and there was “stuff” that went along with that.  People just aren’t nice all the time and Parents aren’t nice more often than people.

It’s so political which is so not me!  At the same time I am VERY opinionated and not very quiet about sharing my opinion.  As I look into my crystal ball I see me pissing off A LOT of parents.  Parents with pitch forks, torches an axes.  I fear for my life and I fear that my brief episode with insanity is going to be rearing it’s ugly head again all too soon.

I’ll keep you updated on my next steps towards the dark side.

Go Buy An Almanac! The Olympics Are Here!

As quirky as it may sound, the opening ceremonies for the Olympics are one of my favorite times of every two years.  On Friday, my family will gather around the TV and watch the wonderful event unfold.  We can’t wait for the countries to come in.  We always make sure we buy a new Almanac before the ceremonies, one that has all of the countries of the world listed with details like population, industry, literacy rate, tv’s per household, etc.  As the countries come in we find them in the book, on the map, and talk about them.  Our kids love it!  It’s educational and fun.  So go buy yourself a new almanac before the opening ceremonies start.  It’s good fun for the whole family or just few geeks like us!

DANGER: YOU ARE NOW ENTERING THE NO FRIEND ZONE

My circle of friends is slowing disappearing. In fact, I think it is pretty much gone. Except for a few stragglers I keep in touch with from far away my circle is gone. So now that the circle of friends is gone, I am left with a circle of acquaintances. I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about that.

I’m lucky in the fact that my circle of family does include a few friends. People who are not really family by blood or marriage but who I consider family not friends. They are the kind of wonderful people you can call on for problems, advice, an occasional lunch, and a lot of unconditional love. They aren’t the people who you go to a bar with or hang out and play poker with.

I think that I do miss my friends. I had some really good ones. We used to be social. (I’m going to go back and forth from I and we because my husband is in the same boat with me.) Every time we get close to someone, something really bizarre happens. Their marriage ends, they move, they get a problem that’s bigger than all of us together that tears us apart, or this just plain go mental. We had one couple that we really thought, “Hey, here it is. What we’ve been looking for. They’re our age, have kids our age, are interesting in the same stuff. This could be it.” The husband was bi-polar and decided he was no longer going to take his meds. He lost it and they ended up splitting up and she moved away with kids.

There was another couple that we loved, they were in our wedding, and then all of the sudden just dropped off the face of the earth. They moved and then five years later I received a letter with no return address apologizing for everything she did that hurt us. She was now in a twelve step program and I was one of he amends she had to make. It’s been one strange turn of events after another.

We’ve tried making friends with the parents at the kid’s school. We’ve tried making friends at work. We’ve tried making friends at the little league field. It all either turns out bad or we just make acquaintances because we don’t really gel with the people.

Is it us? Do we not pick our friends well? Do we require too much? Are we just to difficult to get along with? I’m still trying to figure this all out.

The bigger questions: Is it worth trying anymore? I’m tired of getting attached to someone just to loose them. I think we will probably be busy enough with work and our own kids for the time being that maybe we’ll be fine. But what about when they leave? Our youngest is 7 so we’ll be able to do this for another 11 – 12 years but what about after that?

In the mean time, we are now in the no friend zone.

Too Much Green For A Little Green Monster

It seems like the Boston Red Sox have Lee County Florida squirming quite a bit.  Granted, this is the business of professional sports.  The Red Sox have the bargaining power to ask for the world if they want it.  They’ve earned it.  They have fans and those fans sell out their current Spring Training games every year and right now Charlotte County is trying to woo the Sox away.  The Red Sox bring a lot of money to Lee County and it looks like Lee County doesn’t want to loose it.

The current facility is old.  Parking is awful.  But it’s still baseball and it’s fun.  The Red Soxs want Lee County to build a Little Green Monster by 2012 so they will stay.

The problem I have is that with the current economy in Lee County it seems a little heartless to ask for so much.  Lee County Florida is ranked as one of the top foreclosure counties in the entire country.  The housing market has crashed and the building industry is half of what it was a couple years ago.  The loss in revenue from taxes and impact fees has caused the county and the cities to cut funding to social services and schools while also putting some much needed road construction and repair on hold. I understand that Professional Sports bring in a lot of money and the Sox are surely pay dirt when it comes to that.  However, that is seasonal money.  Does it really create year round jobs?  How many visiting fans are going to decide to relocate to Lee County because of coming down for a game?

I love baseball.  I enjoy going to games.  I actually have two fantasy teams.  This is nothing against the Sox.  This one just has me stumped on what to think of the county’s possible direction to spend a lot of money by 2012 that it doesn’t really have.  Money that will take away from some very needed bandages to get the residents of the county through to the other side of their apparent economic downturn.  Kudos for thinking outside of the box trying to tie it into the University but we’re still talking about a lot of dough.  Sound off…I’d love to hear your take on too much green for a little green monster. 

 

Green Monster headed for Lee County?

Last updated on: 7/8/2008 6:41:40 PM by Grant Lodes

From NBC-2.com Fort Myers, FL 

http://www.nbc-2.com/articles/readleearticle.asp?articleid=20263&z=14

FORT MYERS: Fenway Park could be getting a smaller, younger sibling.

Today Lee County Parks and Recreation Director John Yarbrough said the Red Sox have made it clear they want their Spring Training Home to look a lot more like their regular season home by 2012.

With Sarasota looking to lure the World Champs out of Lee County, Yarbrough said he’s recommending the County begin a formal RFP process. The request for proposal means developers will submit formal proposals for the new spring training facility.

Boston brass has already indicated they’ve outgrown City of Palms Park. Red Sox leaders have also said they’d like their practice/minor league facility and their main stadium to be in one location.

Currently, City of Palms Park and their other practice fields are about two miles apart on Edison Avenue. The next big question is where would Fenway Jr. be built?

Lee County Deputy County Manager Bill Hammond told NBC2 yesterday that a new park or renovation of City of Palms Park on that Edison Avenue site would mean buying up residential lots to make room for the new structures.

Another option that seems to have teeth is to partner with FGCU to build a multi-purpose facility in south Lee County. FGCU President Wilson Bradshaw told NBC2 recently that the Eagles would love to have football in a decade.

Bradshaw and Hammond have seemed open to the idea of a joint facility that could accommodate a football stadium and a new Red Sox home.

The Sox would need between 90 - 100 acres for their facilities.

Where the hell did that come from?

I’m in my car driving to work with the radio on and suddenly, like I was possessed, I started singing along with the radio:

Friday night, it was late
I was walking you home
We got down to the gate
And I was dreaming of the night
Would it turn out right

I tried to stop myself but I couldn’t.  I kept looking around for someone to stop it but no luck. I was by myself.  It was like something spilling out of my head…

How to tell you girl
I wanna build my world around you
Tell you that it’s true
I wanna make you understand
I’m talkin’ about a lifetime plan

What the hell was happening to me?  How in the world did I know the words to that song.  Sure, it sounded familiar as in I think I’ve heard it on Muzak while in an elevator.  And it just kept happening.  There was no off button.

That’s the way it began, we were hand in hand
Glenn Miller’s Band was better than before
We yelled and screamed for more
And the Porter tunes “Night and Day”
Made us dance across the room
It ended all too soon
And on the way back home
I promised you’d never be alone

I can’t remember what I ate for dinner the night before most of the time and here I was getting every word right.  I started to become more at ease reasoning that it was almost impossible that I was possessed.  And if I was possessed I guess singing songs I don’t know wouldn’t be so bad.  As long as there wasn’t any pea soup or head rotation I should be OK…

Hurry, don’t be late
I can hardly wait
I said to myself when we’re old
We’ll go dancing in the dark
Walking through the park and reminiscing

There was a little break in the song.  I looked around while I was stopped at the light.  Was anyone looking?  Could they tell I was totally singing my lungs out?  The rear view mirror looked clear.  There was a big box truck to my right and no one on my left.  So far so good.  Would it continue?  I felt a heave…

Friday night, it was late
I was walking you home
We got down to the gate
And I was dreaming of the night
Would it turn out right
Now as the years roll on
Each time we hear our favorite song
The memories come along
Older times we’re missing
Spending the hours reminiscing

That’s right.  I finished the song.  Where the hell did that come from?  I felt drained and exhausted.  I had no idea who sang it and when it was released.  I wearily walked through the front door of my office and sat down at the computer.  I pulled up google and typed in part of the refrain.  Reminiscing, Little River Band, 1978.  I was six years old.  The only thing I remember listening to in 1978 was the Grease Soundtrack over and over again.  I had it on 8 track and I played it so many times that the tape broke.

Somehow this song had entered my brain and stuck like glue.  What else is in there?  Can I get rid of any of it to make room for more important stuff?  For example, I would love to store my mother-in-law’s birthday (September ??), or be able to remember that I have to put the trash out on Monday, no Tuesday morning.  At least I remember the trash day because the big hint is when I leave for work and see everyone else’s cans by the road.  The mother-in-law birthday reminder is usually after the fact and the ramifications are not as pleasant as missing garbage day.  It just seems like a waste of gray matter.

For those of you who had a great time Reminiscing check out the video.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5RDn5Y0D_0  For those of you who feel my pain let me know!

That which does not kill us makes us hurt a lot.

Our family has a policy that even if something is really hard to do, we do it anyway.  I’ve always shared with my children the philosophy of Friedrich Nietzsche, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.“

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friedrich_Nietzsche 

Whether you agree with Nietzsche’s philosophy or not you have to admit that he makes you think. 

Our son, and we think our soon to be diagnosed daughter, have learning disabilities.  They both have dyslexia.  Our son’s is a little more profound.  We’ve known since pre-k and finally had him tested in first grade.  It’s been a rough go of it for him but he has prevailed.  He went into 2nd grade reading at a kindergarten level, if you call that really reading.  I’m happy to say he is now reading at grade level (kudos to the public school system).  Before we got to this point there were so many struggles.  Crying over homework, reading, writing, and at times just getting him to go to school.  We’ve always told him that he can do anything that anyone else can do, it just may mean more work.  He knows his brain is special and with that comes hard work on some things that other kids may have an easier time at.  He also knows that he is more creative, thinks outside of the box more freely than most, knows more about animals and history than most of his teachers and really is a stronger person because of it all.

His dyslexia often causes him to get quotes or words mixed up.  For example, we saw an Independence Day display at our local super market.  I said to the kids, “Do you know who that is?”  My son piped up, “That’s Uncle Steve.” There are no Uncle Steves in our family so this was not a case of mistaken identity of the guy in the red, white and blue suit with a silvery gray beard and top hat looking like one of our relatives.  After a corrected “no that’s Uncle Sam”, with as little chuckling as possible, we moved on.   

Our daughter has already had her fair share of tests and trials.  At 2 and 1/2 she had open heart surgery to correct an ASD heart defect.  She is doing fine today as well but has had to endure a lot of unnecessary shots, tests and over all poking and prodding than her brother.  Again, we have always stressed the fact that this will make her stronger as a person.

This week we had to take our children to the dermatologist.  They are in the sun a lot and there were some birthmarks/moles that I was concerned about.  We warned our children that they may have to have something removed.  After a lot of questions about what may be involved with that procedure I said to our children, “What do we always say?  That which does not kill us” and I waited for them to finish.  “Makes us hurt a lot!” said my amazing son!  How right he is!

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